Where I am at now..
My wife has been basically frigid for several years now. A lot of women supposedly “get colder” after
children are born, but my wife started that process before then. She does not want to hold my hand, give me a
long kiss , or even give me a hug.
Whenever I try to snuggle with her or otherwise have physical contact, I
am making all the effort. I reach over
and grab her hand, or I put my arms around her; she does not reciprocate. When we “cuddle,” I am basically lying across
her like I am on a giant pillow. Sex, as
you might guess, is far worse. Have you
ever tried having sex with someone who does not do anything at all but lie
there? Even in our better instances of
sex, she doesn’t so much as put her arms around me. Forget kissing, caressing, or even oral
sex. I have never had a blow-up doll,
but I cannot imagine it being different than any sexual experience with my
wife.Up until a little more than a year ago, we were having sex maybe seven or eight times a year. At that point, I get fed up enough to tell her flat out that her frigidity was an enormous problem. How she handled this in the months since has not made things better. She has agreed to have sex more often, maybe three times a month in practice, but what she substituted for quantity she took away in quality. Forget just “lying there;” she doesn’t want me to do anything. About half the time, our foreplay consists of me doing nothing more than rubbing her back and shoulders. I might do the same on her hiney. Anything else, including kissing her, just does not happen. She locks her legs together, covers her chest, and makes darn sure that I cannot touch anything fun at all. She hurries me along, then demands that I just get it over with. The whole thing doesn’t last but a few minutes, but how can it? She hates the whole exercise, and is just trying to get it over with. At least a blow-up doll wouldn’t be so obnoxious.
Do you know what a sexless marriage is like? It is little more than having a roommate that
eats your food, spends your money, yells at your kids, and puts down all your
hobbies.
I have made up my mind that I will make a deadline for this,
and then things will need to change. “Change”
may just mean the two of us going to a therapist, but I’m sick of being
miserable. This is really sad, because I
do love my wife, but we are living in some kind of absurd world of make-believe,
where we pretend not touching each other for days is normal for a married
couple.
