More Addiction to Electronics....

Well, Valentine's Day at least wasn't as bad as usual....
As I mentioned elsewhere, lately we've had a "see-saw" relationship.  We argue about my wife's continuing lack of interest in me (or even our kids), it ends with an ugly comment, and the next day she completely changes her tone.  Well, on Monday we had another one of those.
It started with the revelation that we both had Friday off, and didn't realize the other person had it, as well.  Before I could say (or even think) anything else, the missus started yelling "You had better not plan anything on my day off!"
I was flabbergasted.  "What?"
"You had better not make any plans for my day off!  I never get to do what I want on my day off!  I'm getting my hair cut at one o'clock!"
I was totally confused as to what exactly she was so enraged about.
"I didn't know you had the day off, so I haven't made any plans.  More importantly, what are you upset about?"
She just get more angry and started yelling, over and over, that she couldn't do what she wanted on her day off because of other people.  The kids got frightened.
She finally just stormed off.  My son decided to babble something completely off topic as she was walking away, which only made her angrier.
Several hours later, I insisted we talk about what exactly she was upset about.  She hemmed and hawed for some time before finally getting to the bottom of it.  She didn't want to say it out loud, but she really didn't want to spend time with any of the rest of the family on her day off.  She had complained bitterly for the previous couple of days that she would miss everyone because she had to work on the weekend.  Now that she had an opportunity to be with the rest of us on Friday, she was angry at the prospect of doing so.
"Fine," I said, "if you have to spend the day off separate, away from me and the kids, do it."
"You just have to be with someone else to have fun.  I am quite content to be by myself, without anyone bothering me.  I was looking forward to spending the day alone."
Ah.  Despite what she said, she really wanted to be by herself.
"I don't care that you want to do things without us, but you didn't have to yell at me at the prospect of having to spend time with us."
"I just want to be alone, without anybody else."
In reality, she wants to spend the day watching recordings of TV shows she made and play Candy Crush on Facebook.  Aside from the haircut and a workout, that's pretty much her day.
"Fine.  I WON'T plan anything at all for the two of us.  I'll just do something completely different that day, even if you're in the same house."
I was amazed at how she was pretty much admitting she didn't want to spend time with the rest of us.  I had an idea.
"You know what?  If you want, the kids and I will go away for a weekend, maybe even a week.  You can do whatever you want, all alone, because none of us will be here.  We won't even call you."
"That would be nice."
You can play your game and watch TV as much as you want.  No real people to get in the way.  The kids won't cry that mommy doesn't hug them any more.
I started to write in this blog, but I was too tired.  I went to bed dazed.  I couldn't believe my wife had just said she really didn't want to be with the rest of us.
Well, the next day she sent me a message saying she was sorry.  She suggested we do an activity on Friday together.
Ahhhhhh...........

Another Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a really depressing day if you don't have a "somebody" to share it with.  (Believe it or not, since I was fourteen, I only have spent a couple of Valentine's Days without an official girlfriend or wife.  Of course, the wife doesn't do much on that front, but I digress).  It's also a really depressing day if your wife is frigid.  The day is a sad reminder that my wife has no interest whatsoever in any romantic activity.  I literally cannot buy her enough stuff and romance to make her want to be with me.  There is a line from a chick movie from years ago that I really can't stand:
"It's Valentine's Day.  Every man in America is getting l@!#."
(You can guess what the last word was).
I really, really don't like that movie, but I think the line is more-or-less appropriate.  I'm pretty certain most grown women thoroughly enjoy the abundance of romance of the day.  If morally appropraite, yes, they are overwhelmed by the romance, and just can't help themselves.  Except, of course, if she's frigid, and then does everything she can to get out of it.
I decided to stake out the weekend early this year to make sure there were no more forgotten holidays.  About a month before St. V's day, I made sure we scheduled a dinner.  About 10 days before we were going to go out, the wife sent me an e-mail saying she wanted to go to her parents that weekend.  Oh, boy, there's nothing I would like more than to have my Valentine's dinner pre-empted by a night of watching my in-laws watch television!  I was adamant that, no, we had already made plans; too bad.  I knew from experience that her folks would not agree to watch the kids for a couple of hours while we went out, and the wife would find any excuse to avoid "extra activities" after we got back.  That was asking for disappointment.  She said nothing for a day, then offered to go out the weekend before, not after.
We'll see what happens.  She may find a way to ruin the day yet, but at least I have taken away the obvious means to do so.

A Giant Seesaw

The wife's behavior towards me has whipped from one extreme to another.  Lately the wife's icy shell has shown some cracks, but then she freezes over again.  On Monday a couple of weeks ago, we had a giant argument after she tried to blow me off for reality TV again.  I had had a horrible day at work, and I decided to trek upstairs for some company.  The missues was clearly irritated that I was interrupting The Bachelor.  I told her I was tired of being ignored almost every night, and I needed some company.  I added that I was ready to turn off the satellite TV and unplug the Internet so she would have to spend with me.  She continued to boil over because I had interrupted the reality TV show.  I suggested that, if she had to watch TV, maybe we could pick something we could both watch.  She said she didn't think there was such a show (yeah, right).  I then offered that we could alternate choosing shows; I would pick one night, then she would pick the next.  She said she was completely unwilling to give up her shows, even for a day.  That is when things really blew up.
On Tuesday, I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.  I parked myself in front of the best TV right before her favorite shows were gong to start.  I was in a little bit of a pickle right before the hour, as I hadn't actually picked anything out to watch ahead of time.  I selected a channel that I knew she wouldn't like at all.
To my surprise, she sat down and offered to watch a recorded episode of a show we both liked, despite her earlier claim that there was nothing on TV we would both enjoy.  We had a perfectly civil evening enjoying something funny that was not reality TV.  She didn't even open the laptop to Facebook.
On Wednesday, though, we're back to the square one.  In the morning, she told me I was "off the hook" for going to a concert with her.  About a month ago, she asked if I would attend a concert of a band I had barely heard of.  I couldn't name a single song from the band, but I agreed.  It would be an activity for the two of us, I could get out of the house, and, who knows, the band might even be good.  I was actually looking forward to it.  Then, on Wednesday, she informed me that she had asked a friend of hers to go, and I didn't "need" to go anymore.  I was shocked, to say the least.  When I asked for a clarification, and told her I was looking forward to it, she said that she really would rather her friend go than me.  Further, she really didn't want me going to the concert if there was a chance I really just didn't like the band.  I was furious, and taken aback by how brazenly rude, inconsiderate, and thoughtless this was.  She tried to change the subject to whether I wanted to go to some dumb cookout at her friend's house, and didn't seem to understand why I was mad.  I angrily told her, in one sentence, that I couldn't believe she thought this was a good idea.
My wife is perfectly capable of being nice and courteous, especially to other people.  She often acts as if the rules of courtesy just don't apply when dealing with her husband.  Whether it is a lack of respect for me, an attempt to make my blood boil, or because she has gotten too comfortable, I am amazed that she simply does not think of these things.
Thursday was a different day.  She made a point of telling me, out of the blue, that she did not mean to hurt my feelings.  She did not mean to ditch me for someone better; she just thought I wouldn't want to go.  She told me I could still go if I wanted to, and her friend would just have to be disappointed.  She then said something I hadn't heard in over ten years:  "I'm sorry."  I about fell off my seat.
I'd like to say I know things are getting better, but I don't know that.  I just wish I didn't have to be ready to leave her for her to get the point.