As the title implies, this will be my next-to-last post on this blog...ever. The next post will explain why.
It's hard to believe I have not posted on this space in over two years. The reasons for that had to do with the major changes that suddenly made this entire problem moot.
I will close with some last advice for anyone who is struggling with this problem.
First, it's not something you have to live with. Having a frigid spouse is NOT normal. I don't care what you're told, what excuses you're given, you don't have to live like this. Marriage is a sexual relationship, and if you're putting forth your effort for a spouse and not getting any, your marriage isn't functional.
So, what do you do?
My advice will depend on whether you're a man or a woman.
If you're a man with a frigid wife, first make sure she knows you're not happy, one time, but then don't bring it up again. When you say something isn't right over and over again, people will assume you're just making threats. Make a statement one time, then just start acting differently, and the other person will fear you really mean business, which you do!
Next, start making yourself more attractive to women in general. Start being more masculine. If you aren't truly the head of the household, get your testicles back and start taking charge. Throw out everything you've ever heard from a women's group or magazine about how they want a sensitive man; it's bunk! (Note: I am not telling anyone to abuse his wife, physically or otherwise; just learn to be more assertive and confident).
Start being comfortable in your own skin. Believe in your own awesomeness. That biker you know doesn't give a crap about being sensitive, and you can bet he gets some all the time.
Start working out. Eat better, run, bike, left weights, whatever it is you need to do to lose weight and look better, do it!
Once you've worked on yourself for a few months, see if she doesn't respond better. If she doesn't...just go. I hate the idea of divorce as much as anyone, but a sexless marriage is one in violation of a covenant. It's not as bad as being married to a cheater, but when you agree to forsake all others, that's built on the assumption that you'll still get some from the spouse.
If you're a women and you're married to a frigid man, the answer is almost certainly much simpler. In the vast majority of cases, have his testosterone checked. He probably doesn't have enough of it. It may take a lot of badgering, but this will fix the problem most of the time.
The other problem: he might be gay. I'm sorry to bring that up, but I've seen it happen more than once.
If you're a frigid spouse, well, you should know that the clock is probably ticking away on your nice comfortable life, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. Eventually, your spouse will tire of this. Make an effort to fix what is making your partner unhappy; that's the sign of a good spouse. If not, well, eventually you'll find out that almost everybody who is dumped off because of a flaw has to settle for someone else that is far, far worse. This is especially true for women. A really fit 40 year-old woman with a mildly bitchy personality cannot compete in any way with a slightly pudgy 25-year old who is pleasant.
Ok, here are some good sources for how to be a more masculine and attractive husband:
http://marriedmansexlife.com/
Athol Kay's books and videos are very helpful. I highly recommend the "Primer" he wrote (http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731)
Unfortunately, I cannot find the very first book I read (a very unusual Christian book) on the subject. It was excellent for me. I think it was this one:
Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man by Elliott Katz (see https://www.amazon.com/Being-Strong-Man-Woman-Wants-ebook/dp/B008M9TGD8?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=).
Another good one:
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover (http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464459437&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy).
