I have just been re-reading some blogs on the Internet by some frigid women. A lot of these posts mention the fact that a lot men married to these frigid women seem to be just angry. Not just angry at their wives, but at women in general, at marriage, and life itself. As with so many other aspects of this, the women are completely bewildered by it. They just don't understand why these guys are so worked up.
At times, I am one of them. I am ANGRY, especially at my wife, for acting like this, but also with myself, for enduring this for so long. I don't want to be, but my emotion just spills over. When we got married, I agreed to "forsake all others," and I have kept my side of the bargain. I didn't pledge never to eat another woman's cooking (though that does make my wife mad), never to talk to another woman, or work with another woman. I pledged not to sleep with another woman. Implicit in that arrangement is that the woman I marry will meet me in a warm embrace, and, yes, we'll sleep together. I didn't join a monastary.
For those of you reading this who are saying "You can't treat her like an object!", I am not treating her like an object. I agreed never to fool around with another woman; sleeping with my wife is the only acceptable way for me to deal with sexual longing. If that makes me guilty of "treating her as an object," well, every married man on the planet apparently fits that bill. What would you have me do? Spend every night by myself wishing some woman (especially the one in my bedroom) would show me some affection? I can do that as a bachelor; I don't need someone living in my house as an self-absorbed roommate, spending my money, yelling at my kids.
For those of you that say "You have to think of her feelings, too," well, sorry, her feelings will almost never go to the bedroom. Let me turn it around: our present arrangement will not take my feelings into account at all. This is not a compromise in any way.
I am angry because my wife just doesn't seem to get it. I think she believes that intimacy is just some extra bonus that some wives will provide their husbands; if she doesn't want to do it, ever, that's just too bad. She really does not realize that I, like almost every other man on the planet, will eventually leave her over this.
I am frustrated that my wife, just like most of the women who blog about being frigid, has deluded herself into thinking that she is really this hot, boiling pot of sensuous desire, but, darnit, her husband just didn't empty the dishwasher. As I mentioned in my page about why women themselves believe they are frigid, she thinks just "one more thing" will turn her into a bedroom dynamo.
I am also angry with myself, for letting things get this bad. I really don't know how or why my wife lost interest in me, but I should have done more to either make her know how upset I was a couple of years earlier.
So, yes, occasionally I am that angry guy. If you are reading this, and you're frigid, please understand that your man will eventually leave you for someone who will show him love.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Why does SHE put up with this?
While pondering my latest isolation in my Fortress of Involuntary Solitude, I started wondering something: why does my wife seem to have no problem with being frigid? Why does this crummy, arms-length relationship suit her? Why are things like this? I certainly don't want them this way; does she? When I first started trying to fix things, I expected her either to completely go off the handle, revealing how much she actually loathed me, or tell me how much she missed intimacy, too. Instead, if you will forgive the pun, she half-a$$ed it. She tries to get by with the least amount of efforts, hoping I will shut up and go away. It still makes no sense.
I have come up with a few explanations.
1) There is another man.
This seemed like the most logical explanation, at least at first. If someone's never hungry for dinner, so to speak, maybe it's because she's getting a big snack in the afternoon. I figured she was committing adultery, which lessened her desire for me.
After a lot of effort...I can't say I know for certain she was, or was not, though I think not. I found out she was leading on a lot of men years earlier, but that may have been all. (Not that that excuses it). I couldn't afford the private detective, but I did find out on a lot of occasions when I was suspicious, nothing went on. If she was unfaithful, it is probably done now, and I will probably never know for sure. At this point, she has so little free time, and she so rarely leaves the house, I think (at least now) nothing is going on.
If she is having an affair, I would think at some point she would just leave me for him. Then again, maybe not.
I have read from other frigid women that this is very common for husbands in my situation to think. It is hard to imagine someone not wanting sex at all, but maybe that's her.
2) She is actually a lesbian.
I am sure this seems preposterous to a lot of people. Like the thought that she was cheating on me, this one is not based on direct evidence at all. I just wondered if she wasn't interested in me, was it because she really wanted to be with another woman? Was I, so to speak, cooking a sausage for someone who really liked tacos?
I have no evidence her door is swinging the other way. If she is gay, she's hiding it pretty well.
3) She is not interested in sex, but enjoys having me as a meal ticket
This may be the most likely explanation. If she doesn't actually ever want sex, and can go months at a time without it, the rest of the relationship makes sense. She doesn't have to be around me, except during meals. She can either stay at home or work at a do-nothing job, in which her biggest responsibility is to stand around gossiping with her friends. She can still go on nice vacations, eat good meals, and spend a buttload of time with her shallow friends. At night, she has a warm place to curl up to watch TV or play on the stupid Internet. She does not need to ever spend time with her husband, and certainly not make love with him.
To be frank, I think I would rather have #1 or #2 be true, find out about it, and just get things over with. At least I would have a good public excuse for being upset with her or leaving her, and she would be likely to leave me eventually. If #3 is true, the status quo will always be acceptable to her, and I will look like the villain in trying to change things. Most importantly, if #3 is the reason, I have no excuse for having a wife that doesn't want me to touch her.
I have come up with a few explanations.
1) There is another man.
This seemed like the most logical explanation, at least at first. If someone's never hungry for dinner, so to speak, maybe it's because she's getting a big snack in the afternoon. I figured she was committing adultery, which lessened her desire for me.
After a lot of effort...I can't say I know for certain she was, or was not, though I think not. I found out she was leading on a lot of men years earlier, but that may have been all. (Not that that excuses it). I couldn't afford the private detective, but I did find out on a lot of occasions when I was suspicious, nothing went on. If she was unfaithful, it is probably done now, and I will probably never know for sure. At this point, she has so little free time, and she so rarely leaves the house, I think (at least now) nothing is going on.
If she is having an affair, I would think at some point she would just leave me for him. Then again, maybe not.
I have read from other frigid women that this is very common for husbands in my situation to think. It is hard to imagine someone not wanting sex at all, but maybe that's her.
2) She is actually a lesbian.
I am sure this seems preposterous to a lot of people. Like the thought that she was cheating on me, this one is not based on direct evidence at all. I just wondered if she wasn't interested in me, was it because she really wanted to be with another woman? Was I, so to speak, cooking a sausage for someone who really liked tacos?
I have no evidence her door is swinging the other way. If she is gay, she's hiding it pretty well.
3) She is not interested in sex, but enjoys having me as a meal ticket
This may be the most likely explanation. If she doesn't actually ever want sex, and can go months at a time without it, the rest of the relationship makes sense. She doesn't have to be around me, except during meals. She can either stay at home or work at a do-nothing job, in which her biggest responsibility is to stand around gossiping with her friends. She can still go on nice vacations, eat good meals, and spend a buttload of time with her shallow friends. At night, she has a warm place to curl up to watch TV or play on the stupid Internet. She does not need to ever spend time with her husband, and certainly not make love with him.
To be frank, I think I would rather have #1 or #2 be true, find out about it, and just get things over with. At least I would have a good public excuse for being upset with her or leaving her, and she would be likely to leave me eventually. If #3 is true, the status quo will always be acceptable to her, and I will look like the villain in trying to change things. Most importantly, if #3 is the reason, I have no excuse for having a wife that doesn't want me to touch her.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Money and Other Women...?
There seem to be only two triggers to get my wife to pay attention to me: spending money, and the interest of other women in me.
She shows interest if I buy something really expensive: a new car, a new TV, put down money for vacation, etc. It doesn't have to be money spent on her; the most attention I have gotten from her in years was when I took her with me to buy some new suits. Obviously, I can't use this angle to resolve our problems. If I buy expensive stuff all the time, we'll go broke.
She will also pay attention if another woman seems interested in me. Nothing quite gets her head turned like another chick prowling around. I suppose there are times this could be useful. Most of her friends have no interest in me, but there is one that can always be counted on to keep things interesting. If I was like many men, I would have just boinked the heck out of her a year ago. However, I'm not that guy, and I don't want to be.
This friend of hers is super kind to me. There are many times when the four of us (two wives and two husbands) are out, and I will ask my wife to do something ("Please pass the napkins, dear, would you?") and her friend is the one that complies. When we go somewhere, she doesn't walk with her husband, or sit with him; she always seems to be sitting next to me. Sometimes it is a little awkward. She stands so close to me that I can feel her arm hair; she has really hairy arms for a woman. Despite her arms, she is actually kind of pretty, and has a better figure than my own wife. She's not the belle of the ball, but she does motivate the missus to act better. I used to think that I should offer her friend money just to come over to our house every few days.
Sadly, neither of these ideas really solve the core problem. My wife should be interested in me when I'm not plunking down a big roll of dough or getting hit on by a check-out girl. Those occasions do not come around often enough to make a difference.
She shows interest if I buy something really expensive: a new car, a new TV, put down money for vacation, etc. It doesn't have to be money spent on her; the most attention I have gotten from her in years was when I took her with me to buy some new suits. Obviously, I can't use this angle to resolve our problems. If I buy expensive stuff all the time, we'll go broke.
She will also pay attention if another woman seems interested in me. Nothing quite gets her head turned like another chick prowling around. I suppose there are times this could be useful. Most of her friends have no interest in me, but there is one that can always be counted on to keep things interesting. If I was like many men, I would have just boinked the heck out of her a year ago. However, I'm not that guy, and I don't want to be.
This friend of hers is super kind to me. There are many times when the four of us (two wives and two husbands) are out, and I will ask my wife to do something ("Please pass the napkins, dear, would you?") and her friend is the one that complies. When we go somewhere, she doesn't walk with her husband, or sit with him; she always seems to be sitting next to me. Sometimes it is a little awkward. She stands so close to me that I can feel her arm hair; she has really hairy arms for a woman. Despite her arms, she is actually kind of pretty, and has a better figure than my own wife. She's not the belle of the ball, but she does motivate the missus to act better. I used to think that I should offer her friend money just to come over to our house every few days.
Sadly, neither of these ideas really solve the core problem. My wife should be interested in me when I'm not plunking down a big roll of dough or getting hit on by a check-out girl. Those occasions do not come around often enough to make a difference.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Dinner and...a Snooze
Tomorrow night, the missus has promised to go out to eat at a nice restaurant, just the two of us. This was one promise made as part of the birthday-panic she had after realizing, for whatever reason, that she had botched things that day. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of hope. First, she picked a day in which she will to get up very early for work. She'll be tired by the time we get to the restaurant. Second, she chose to go stay out late tonight with her frigid girlfriends (the Fridigidaires, maybe?). (Yes, I have it on good report that they are. That is a topic for another post). She'll be exhausted.
As with most any of our other disappointments, this was entirely avoidable. She could have easily picked another night, especially one in which she wasn't sleep deprived or working a long shift. She could have chosen to schedule her girls' night some other evening, or, again, knowing she would be out late tonight, selected another night for dinner.
Tomorrow night, having pulled out all the stops and spent a big wad of moolah, she'll grumpily wolf down a huge meal in silence, then pass out once we get home. If she does offer to do something at home, I'll regret taking her up on it. No romance, no physical fun, just an expensive meal and a stuffed shrew.
As with most any of our other disappointments, this was entirely avoidable. She could have easily picked another night, especially one in which she wasn't sleep deprived or working a long shift. She could have chosen to schedule her girls' night some other evening, or, again, knowing she would be out late tonight, selected another night for dinner.
Tomorrow night, having pulled out all the stops and spent a big wad of moolah, she'll grumpily wolf down a huge meal in silence, then pass out once we get home. If she does offer to do something at home, I'll regret taking her up on it. No romance, no physical fun, just an expensive meal and a stuffed shrew.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Never mind...back to the iceberg
In my last post, I mentioned that my wife had made a flurry of promises regarding romance and intimacy. I thought maybe this would be a new beginning. Well, I think I've been had.
The promised intimacy did occur -- sort of. Well, without being intimate. She approached it as a soldier who has to do her duty, regardless of the danger to her TV schedule. Given how bad sex with her usually is, this experience was actually better than average. Then again, I'm pretty sure she was not happy to be doing it; just fulfilling her obligation.
From that point, it hasn't gone well. The proposed romantic restaurant dinner is still on, but there were a lot of attempts to back out of it. What a shame. Tonight, I tried to snuggle up to her. Not anything more -- just some huddling together of the kind that pop psychologists say women really want. Not my woman, anyway. She shot me down because she said she wanted to concentrate on a new episode of a reality show (Top Chef Seattle, I think) and didn't want to "talk" or "be distracted." Ouch.
The promised intimacy did occur -- sort of. Well, without being intimate. She approached it as a soldier who has to do her duty, regardless of the danger to her TV schedule. Given how bad sex with her usually is, this experience was actually better than average. Then again, I'm pretty sure she was not happy to be doing it; just fulfilling her obligation.
From that point, it hasn't gone well. The proposed romantic restaurant dinner is still on, but there were a lot of attempts to back out of it. What a shame. Tonight, I tried to snuggle up to her. Not anything more -- just some huddling together of the kind that pop psychologists say women really want. Not my woman, anyway. She shot me down because she said she wanted to concentrate on a new episode of a reality show (Top Chef Seattle, I think) and didn't want to "talk" or "be distracted." Ouch.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Important things forgotten...and something weird
Last year (and I will explain in a moment why I mention this) my wife told her mother we would attend this show by her little entertainment club on the weekened of our anniversary. It was a four hour drive away. I suspect my mother-in-law made her feel guilty that we hadn't attended one of their shows, but the timing of this was bad. I agreed, led to believe that the show was the day before or early in the day. I had assumed we would leave on our anniversary to get home in time for a nice dinner and some time to ourselves. Well, was I in for a surprise. I was told the night before that in fact the show was at 6:00 in the evening on our anniversary. Not only would I be spending the night of my anniversary wrangling with my kids watching tedious amateur music, but I would then have to drive four hours back to our house after it was done so I could go to work the next day. My mother-in-law had also arranged for everybody to spend the day before the show at this enormous flea market. (For the record, I am pretty easy-going, but I would not want to do any of these things, especially with little kids who will be bored). No time for a romantic dinner, and certainly no time for anything else (you know what I mean). To boot, I would have to listen to my exhausted children for four hours on the drive home, get in late, and have to get up early the next day for work. The entire day had been scheduled such that there was no time whatsoever for us to be by ourselves.
What in the world? Did my wife forget our anniversary? Did she somehow think this was an appropriate way to spend it? I would have thought my mother-in-law might've warned her this was dumb, but then again, maybe she was the one who insisted we go that weekend in the first place. If my wife had wanted to go see one of her shows, there were plenty of other times to go see one.
I stewed about it that night, and resolved to talk about it the next day. When I woke up at my in-law's house, I got dressed and waited for my wife to wake up. Once she was up and about, I plainly asked her, between the flea market and this show, when we were going to have any time together. She tried to say she "had to go" and tried to walk out, and I got really angry. She had scheduled the day so that this, at 7:30 in the morning, was the only time we would have together, so we were going to talk about this now.
She played dumb; why exactly would I want to spend time together?
"We were supposed to have a nice dinner by ourselves, like we always do on this day. We can't even have lunch together as your mother insists we go to this flea market."
"Well, we'll have it some other time; we clearly can't do it today. Can't you see that?"
"Yes," I replied, "that is exactly my point; you have scheduled this entire day so there is no way we could have dinner, much spend any time alone."
At this point, the argument got ugly; my wife clearly had not thought of this (or had, and didn't care), but was trying to pretend that she had and there was some valid reason for it.
A few weeks ago was my birthday. For reasons I will not go into, my mother- and father-in-law were in town, and stayed for several days with us. I made reservations at a restaurant that I liked, and I knew was agreeable to everybody else, for that evening. The day before my birthday, my wife tried to talk me into going somewhere else. Of course, there was no way to get a reservation elsewhere that quickly, and most places would be closed, but she made a try. I had the sneaky suspicion her mother put her up to it, and wanted to a different restaurant. A couple of years earlier, she had made a stink on my birthday about the fact that I did not choose to go to her favorite restaurant. Well, darnit, I didn't care (either time), it was my birthday, and I knew she would find something she liked where we went. I was again being pressured into doing something my mother-in-law wanted. Anyway, in the course of that conversation, she revealed that, though she had asked me before what kind of cake I wanted, there was in fact no cake or dessert for my birthday. Someone would make a pie for the next day, but it contained things I couldn't eat (for health reasons). Great! Now I was really irritated. I saw the problems from our anniversary coming up again, and decided to head it off. Before we went to bed, I asked her at what point were we going to make love. Even she had acknowledged a long time ago that my birthday was a special case. Well, she said, we couldn't do it tonight or tomorrow; her folks were at the same house. Wouldn't that be weird? Well, yes, I replied, but they were staying for five days; there was no time around my birthday that wouldn't be the case. (A wiser woman might have arranged for her folks to take the kids somewhere in the afternoon on the weekend, but my wife isn't that woman). I reiterated that she had managed to schedule my birthday so that there was no other way. She accused me of being like a child (kind of weird given what I wanted to do), and said I was "selfish." I said some things are important, and this was one of them.
She angrily replied that she would do it, so let's hurry up and get it over with. I replied that at this point I was mad, and I really just didn't want to do that under those circumstances. I told her I was no longer interested.
To my surprise, something seemed to click in her brain. She suddenly said she would be happy to do so, no complaints. I told her I was still mad, and there was no point now. I turned out the light.
I couldn't sleep. I was too busy thinking about what had transpired. This was my birthday, for crying out loud; how could she've done this again? And no cake? She even asked me about it beforehand.
I tossed and turned, and my wife must've noticed this. Some time in the wee hours of the morning, she came over to my side of the bed, and put her arms around me. (You have to understand, gentle reader, this was something she had not down on her own in months, maybe years.) I was startled. Her voice was shaking. She asked me what was wrong; realizing that I was exhausted and whatever I said would be held against me, I told her I didn't want to talk about it.
Out of the blue, she then told me we would have some time the day after they left to make love, and, what's more, we could go to a romantic dinner at one of my restaurants ourselves the next weekend. Then, before I could say anything else, she said she would pick up a birthday cake for me later in the day. I was shocked. Had she finally realized this was important? I mumbled my assent, and told her I would hold her to those promises. I finally fell asleep.
Is this a new leaf? We will see...
What in the world? Did my wife forget our anniversary? Did she somehow think this was an appropriate way to spend it? I would have thought my mother-in-law might've warned her this was dumb, but then again, maybe she was the one who insisted we go that weekend in the first place. If my wife had wanted to go see one of her shows, there were plenty of other times to go see one.
I stewed about it that night, and resolved to talk about it the next day. When I woke up at my in-law's house, I got dressed and waited for my wife to wake up. Once she was up and about, I plainly asked her, between the flea market and this show, when we were going to have any time together. She tried to say she "had to go" and tried to walk out, and I got really angry. She had scheduled the day so that this, at 7:30 in the morning, was the only time we would have together, so we were going to talk about this now.
She played dumb; why exactly would I want to spend time together?
"We were supposed to have a nice dinner by ourselves, like we always do on this day. We can't even have lunch together as your mother insists we go to this flea market."
"Well, we'll have it some other time; we clearly can't do it today. Can't you see that?"
"Yes," I replied, "that is exactly my point; you have scheduled this entire day so there is no way we could have dinner, much spend any time alone."
At this point, the argument got ugly; my wife clearly had not thought of this (or had, and didn't care), but was trying to pretend that she had and there was some valid reason for it.
A few weeks ago was my birthday. For reasons I will not go into, my mother- and father-in-law were in town, and stayed for several days with us. I made reservations at a restaurant that I liked, and I knew was agreeable to everybody else, for that evening. The day before my birthday, my wife tried to talk me into going somewhere else. Of course, there was no way to get a reservation elsewhere that quickly, and most places would be closed, but she made a try. I had the sneaky suspicion her mother put her up to it, and wanted to a different restaurant. A couple of years earlier, she had made a stink on my birthday about the fact that I did not choose to go to her favorite restaurant. Well, darnit, I didn't care (either time), it was my birthday, and I knew she would find something she liked where we went. I was again being pressured into doing something my mother-in-law wanted. Anyway, in the course of that conversation, she revealed that, though she had asked me before what kind of cake I wanted, there was in fact no cake or dessert for my birthday. Someone would make a pie for the next day, but it contained things I couldn't eat (for health reasons). Great! Now I was really irritated. I saw the problems from our anniversary coming up again, and decided to head it off. Before we went to bed, I asked her at what point were we going to make love. Even she had acknowledged a long time ago that my birthday was a special case. Well, she said, we couldn't do it tonight or tomorrow; her folks were at the same house. Wouldn't that be weird? Well, yes, I replied, but they were staying for five days; there was no time around my birthday that wouldn't be the case. (A wiser woman might have arranged for her folks to take the kids somewhere in the afternoon on the weekend, but my wife isn't that woman). I reiterated that she had managed to schedule my birthday so that there was no other way. She accused me of being like a child (kind of weird given what I wanted to do), and said I was "selfish." I said some things are important, and this was one of them.
She angrily replied that she would do it, so let's hurry up and get it over with. I replied that at this point I was mad, and I really just didn't want to do that under those circumstances. I told her I was no longer interested.
To my surprise, something seemed to click in her brain. She suddenly said she would be happy to do so, no complaints. I told her I was still mad, and there was no point now. I turned out the light.
I couldn't sleep. I was too busy thinking about what had transpired. This was my birthday, for crying out loud; how could she've done this again? And no cake? She even asked me about it beforehand.
I tossed and turned, and my wife must've noticed this. Some time in the wee hours of the morning, she came over to my side of the bed, and put her arms around me. (You have to understand, gentle reader, this was something she had not down on her own in months, maybe years.) I was startled. Her voice was shaking. She asked me what was wrong; realizing that I was exhausted and whatever I said would be held against me, I told her I didn't want to talk about it.
Out of the blue, she then told me we would have some time the day after they left to make love, and, what's more, we could go to a romantic dinner at one of my restaurants ourselves the next weekend. Then, before I could say anything else, she said she would pick up a birthday cake for me later in the day. I was shocked. Had she finally realized this was important? I mumbled my assent, and told her I would hold her to those promises. I finally fell asleep.
Is this a new leaf? We will see...
Vacation Blues
I mentioned to my wife her promise that we spend a weekend together in the country. Yes, I do want to make love, but I also just want to get her off the @#$% TV and Facebook. She put me off. So, I got out the calendar to schedule something in the spring. Well, she said, we can't do that because we have some other trip scheduled. What trip? Oh, I am taking another trip with my friends to the beach.
A few weeks ago, I tried to plan a family trip after Christmas. For reasons I will not go into, that was the only time work would allow it. She tried really hard to get me not to do it (I don't know why), but relented when I told her I would just take the kids myself.
Now, I find out that she is staying some place really swanky with her friends, after doing her best to get out of a trip with her family. She tried to tell me she couldn't get the time off from work, but strangely she had no trouble getting time off for another trip with her friends. Wonderful.
To boot, she invited her sister to go on another family trip with us without asking. I like her sister, but she should have asked me first. Further, we were originally planning to go someplace different than what she told her sis. Grrrr.
A few weeks ago, I tried to plan a family trip after Christmas. For reasons I will not go into, that was the only time work would allow it. She tried really hard to get me not to do it (I don't know why), but relented when I told her I would just take the kids myself.
Now, I find out that she is staying some place really swanky with her friends, after doing her best to get out of a trip with her family. She tried to tell me she couldn't get the time off from work, but strangely she had no trouble getting time off for another trip with her friends. Wonderful.
To boot, she invited her sister to go on another family trip with us without asking. I like her sister, but she should have asked me first. Further, we were originally planning to go someplace different than what she told her sis. Grrrr.
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