The Metamorphisis Part VI: Not all wine and roses, yet

This is the sixth part of a series of posts called "Metamorphisis."
Back to part IV
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In my last post, I discussed the positive changes that have come over my wife since I started purposefully modifying my behavior. Unfortunately, it has been all positive. This has kind of been a "two steps foward, one step backwards" kind of progress. Now, I am going to bring up some of the backward steps.
There are a couple of areas that haunt me all the time, and make me wonder if I should even bother trying to fix things.
The first is the fear that she has committed adultery at some point, in which case I will leave her no matter what. Yes, some people forgive their spouses after adultery (maybe even a lot of adultery), but given how little affection I have gotten over the years, I am not one of them. If so, and I find out about it, all this will have been a waste.
The second fear is that my wife's motives ultimately are not pure. By that, I think there are one of two ways her mind views her frigidity:
A) She really does love me deep down, but simply does not have any attraction for me. She really would like to have sex, but either something below the surface makes it difficult, or she simply cannot resist some other activity all the time. She has no idea how much this hurts me. She does not realize she has an addiction to electronic toys. She has gradually lapsed into her lazy, and disrespectful behaviors because no one has stopped her until now.
The other option is:
B) She does not really care for me at all deep down. She loves my paycheck, the childcare and the lawn service, and she gets to watch her precious TV and Facebook every night. She has to put out every once in a while and buy me a card three times a year so I don't completely lose hope, but ultimately it's a small price to pay to get all the material comforts. Sex is simply a way to exert power. From her standpoint, it's a pretty sweet life, and I'm the chump that makes it happen. She certainly doesn't want it to change.
At this point, I think her motives on this are completely subconscious, but they have to be there. I have operated on the assumption so far that somewhere, deep down, she really does not mean to hurt me, and has just fallen into this life accidentally. I have assumed she was on option "A." However, I am always fearful that I am quite mistaken, and that she is really on option "B." In that case, I am simply wasting time and effort trying to get her to change.
All that said, some of the negative times we have had recently have made me wonder what she really is thinking. She has, a few times, attempted what appear to be last-ditch efforts to save her dominance over the sex part. One time when I was not at home, she told my son he could do something I had forbidden earlier. This is a big no-no. We have a firm agreement that one parent does not overrule the other; punishments one gives cannot be taken away by the other. During the discussion, she tried to claim that I had not asked her about his punishment before I gave it. She tried to claim a basic veto over everything I do with them. This was ridiculous, and I suspect the only reason she tried it was she was nursing a wound over my new assertiveness. I just ignored it. During sex another night, she tried to tell me I had no right to complain, and that this was a favor from her. She had actually initiated it, so it was hard to take that seriously. Again, I ignored it.
So, what next? The basic plan has not changed since I read the books: be more assertive, stay emotionally detached, and get as physically fit as possible. Maybe she will change, maybe she won't. Only time will tell.