So, You Wanna Know about Frigidity?

The purpose of this blog is, as the title suggests, to discuss my personal pain and frustration with being married to a frigid woman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a “frigid” woman is one who is emotionally and physically cold. She simply does not want physical contact with her husband, especially having sex. I am sure there are frigid men out there, but I am pretty sure the overwhelming number of people that fit this description are women. I would like to differentiate between women who just have sex less as the years go by, and those that simply do not ever want to do it at all. I have read that psychologists define a “sexless” marriage as one in which the couple has sex ten times or less a year; there have been several years like that for me. Most married adults have sex, on average, between two or three times a week. I am lucky if it happens more than once a month and isn’t gawdawful. You are welcome to read, but please try to avoid slapping stereotypes and quick judgments on me or her. For those of you that are looking for something to “get your jollies,” well, I hate to disappoint you, but this blog is not it. If anything, you will read scintillating tales of people not having sex.

The Metamorphisis Part III: How does this game work?

This is the third part of a series of posts called "Metamorphisis."
Back to part II
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[Post started back in mid-April, 2013; actually published May 20, 2013]
I have been thinking a lot of this author that said that the attractiveness rank of a married couple determines who has more power. This idea that there is a rank of attractiveness for married couples wasn't wholly new to me -- after all, who hasn't ranked some woman on a scale of 1-10, or heard someone else do that -- but the depth that the author presented it was novel. He strongly felt that ultimately a couple in which one person was solidly more attractive -- whether physically attractive, or simply more desirable -- was in the driver's seat in the relationship. He said that two people that were really far apart would eventually split up.
This certainly made sense, at least for most people, but, if true, I had to wonder just how my wife felt that I was the dead weight and she was the arm candy. On balance, I am not particularly good- or bad-looking, and I'm in better shape than most men my age. I take good care of my family and my house, and my job pays enough for me to have a decent amount of possessions. Of course, I can be really grouchy, and I work at a really boring job. My hairline is receding. Also, I can be very shy. All in all, I would guess I'm probably in the middle somewhere, at least for men my age.
But is my wife really a big bag of hotness compared to me? I hope this doesn't sound mean, but it's not like she's a supermodel. She's not ugly, but she's hardly really pretty. She is what is called "pear-shaped," meaning she has a large bottom and a small rack on top. (No, it's not fun). She's had varicose veins from the time she first got pregnant, and has a few stretch marks here and there. She's clearly trending into middle age, which is never kind to a woman's appearance. For any woman, beauty is a declining asset. I'm pretty nerdy, but so is she. She is often grouchy and bossy, and has no problem getting into spats with other women. As I have mentioned many times, she has an obvious addiction to social media sites, video games, and TV.
Of course, as her husband, I have always loved her for her she is, not what she looks like. I really do mean that.
She lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago, but while that improved some areas (being tubby), she's gained others. Her ass is hardly plump any more, and her already-small bust just got tinier. At least before she lost weight, she was a "B" cup; now she's down to an "A." I never say anything, but part of me thinks she actually look better with some extra meat on the bones.
Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that my lack of finding her weight loss attractive is the source of our troubles, she was frigid long before she lost weight. Clearly, that can't be the source of our problems.
All the books I read pointed to one problem: my lack of being assertive with her on many matters. This made her feel that I was weak, and therefore not masculine enough. Was that one category simply enough to make her think I'm not worthy of her charms?
I have probably thought waaaaaay too much about this.
As I work through my self-improvement plan of action, we'll see what happens.
On to part IV

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