I realized I haven't posted anything in some time, and for those of you that are following this, I apologize. I will put the changes in the last few months into several posts. Lately, my mind has been drawn to what the alternatives are if things do not work out: continue the way things are, divorce, cheating? Is there something else?
I have reached the point where the way things are just make me miserable. Things have to change. However, my wife has made it clear she is just going to half-ass this; at this point, she is not going to change without a different tack.
Divorce has gone into my mind. For those of you who simply say "dump her," that is just naive. I take the promises I make very seriously, and this one is no different. Even if that wasn't enough, we have kids, and they would definitely lose out more than us if we split up. My own parents got divorced, and the end result was that no one was happier. She'd get half my money, and believe me, it's all come from me. What's more, I will have to go into a court, and make a public and permanent statement that I was leaving my wife because she won't have sex with me. There's more to it, I think, but that is what I will have to tell the judge. That would be humiliating in a very public way. I'd have to make similar statements -- or make up some lie -- to my friends and family. If I go through with that, there will be large consequences.
I have made up my mind that having an affair just isn't the way to handle this. One, as I said, I keep my promises, and that would be a violation of one of the big ones. Two, that's really a cowardly way out of this. It would be sidestepping the basic issue that my spouse doesn't want to touch me while violating the rules. So, if I can't work this out, divorce is a much manlier and honest option.
Are there other options? I don't know. I have thought about going to a certified sex counselor, but that option has its own pitfalls. My wife, first, has to agree to go, though I could make enough threats and raise enough hell to change her mind. More importantly, I am more worried about whether the conselor would actually help. My parents' incompetent counselor actually made things worse. Then there's the ugly fear that the counselor will take advantage of me or my wife. (I would absolutely insist that we go to a woman, which, let's face it, would reduce the likelihood of this). Working a job like this would be a dream come true for a pervert, just like daycares attract child abusers.
So, You Wanna Know about Frigidity?
The purpose of this blog is, as the title suggests, to discuss my personal pain and frustration with being married to a frigid woman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a “frigid” woman is one who is emotionally and physically cold. She simply does not want physical contact with her husband, especially having sex. I am sure there are frigid men out there, but I am pretty sure the overwhelming number of people that fit this description are women. I would like to differentiate between women who just have sex less as the years go by, and those that simply do not ever want to do it at all. I have read that psychologists define a “sexless” marriage as one in which the couple has sex ten times or less a year; there have been several years like that for me. Most married adults have sex, on average, between two or three times a week. I am lucky if it happens more than once a month and isn’t gawdawful. You are welcome to read, but please try to avoid slapping stereotypes and quick judgments on me or her. For those of you that are looking for something to “get your jollies,” well, I hate to disappoint you, but this blog is not it. If anything, you will read scintillating tales of people not having sex.