So, You Wanna Know about Frigidity?

The purpose of this blog is, as the title suggests, to discuss my personal pain and frustration with being married to a frigid woman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a “frigid” woman is one who is emotionally and physically cold. She simply does not want physical contact with her husband, especially having sex. I am sure there are frigid men out there, but I am pretty sure the overwhelming number of people that fit this description are women. I would like to differentiate between women who just have sex less as the years go by, and those that simply do not ever want to do it at all. I have read that psychologists define a “sexless” marriage as one in which the couple has sex ten times or less a year; there have been several years like that for me. Most married adults have sex, on average, between two or three times a week. I am lucky if it happens more than once a month and isn’t gawdawful. You are welcome to read, but please try to avoid slapping stereotypes and quick judgments on me or her. For those of you that are looking for something to “get your jollies,” well, I hate to disappoint you, but this blog is not it. If anything, you will read scintillating tales of people not having sex.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A little numb....

I am sorry I have not written anything here in some while.  I was waiting to have something interesting to say, but not much has changed in the last couple of weeks.
If you have read some of my other posts, you know I was going to try and pay "special attention" to my sister-in-law while she was here.  No affairs, nothing truly out-of-bounds, but just enough to wake-up my wife to the possibility that I could go find other options.  Well, that didn't work out.  Her sister's husband is out of work, and so came along on the trip.  I didn't really want to deal with him, too.
I have no idea why she stays with him.  My sister-in-law's husband has been out of work now for over six months, and doesn't really show any signs of actually getting a job.  He is not really a bad guy, all things considered, but he has a bad habit of getting fired or laid off, and then not finding work for months on end.  He waits until his unemployment insurance runs out, and then goes to find another job.  The last time he was unemployed for eleven months and two weeks.  After no interviews for months on end, he miraculously got a job right before his year-long UI ran out.  At home, he is your stereotypical lazy-ass husband who just sits on the couch watching TV or the Internet.  He is so overweight he came down with diabetes in his late 20's.
The week they were here was stressful.  Their kids are not mean or sassy, but they are horribly undisciplined and poorly behaved.  Their parents have zero parenting skills.  After three days of being stuck with disciplining their brats, I was really ready for them to go.
The other big problem was that they were here during our anniversary.  I took the wife out to dinner without anyone else, which is as it should be.  After we got back, I tried to put the kids to bed, but my wife and her sister kept asking if they could stay up a little longer to watch some special on TV.  I acquiesed, but gave them a firm bedtime.  As that time got nearer, I wondered if I was really getting snookered out of my romantic evening.  Again, I had to deal with bad children.  After they went to bed, I mentioned "going upstairs" to the wife.  She said something about "no, no one's asleep yet" and something about watching some idiotic program for a minute.  As I seethed, my sister-in-law instantly picked up that something was wrong.  She kept asking me what the problem was, and I just shook my head.  After sitting through a half hour of stupid TV, my wife's sister, figuring out what the trouble was, excused herself and her husband.  (Her obtuse blockhead of a sister couldn't figure it out).
We went upstairs and had sex.  It was better than usual, but I'm still going to mark it as a loss.  I did not get my romantic evening; I spent the whole evening wrangling children and entertaining in-laws.  There was nothing special about the sex.  The one thing I had asked my wife for our anniversary was for some romance and time alone, and I really didn't get that.
The next morning, I blew up about my frustrations with her, and how she seemed to actively try to ruin every romantic holiday.  My sister-in-law must've overheard the conversation, as they had a quick private chat.  I have no idea what was overheard, but my wife was nothing but nice to me after that for the next couple of days.  She actually held my hand once or twice unbidden.  Sis even stuck up for me when my wife made a particularly silly acusation about something.
That was all fine and dandy, until they left.  Then the old ice queen was back.
I am just numb.  I have tried and tried to tell my wife that there is nothing acceptable about having a wife that won't touch her husband, but she just doesn't care.  I haven't said the one thing that would get her attention:  "if you do not change, I will leave you."  I'll get things in order in the next few months, and once that happens, I will let her know.  Like all large human tragedies, this one is completely avoidable.  She will protest, and cry, and act completely flabbergasted.  "I didn't know you felt so strongly about this!"  Oh, but you do; you just don't want to change.  There is only so much one man can do.  I have tried everything I can on the sweet side to resolve this.  I am all out of honey; get ready for the vinegar.

No comments:

Post a Comment