So, You Wanna Know about Frigidity?

The purpose of this blog is, as the title suggests, to discuss my personal pain and frustration with being married to a frigid woman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a “frigid” woman is one who is emotionally and physically cold. She simply does not want physical contact with her husband, especially having sex. I am sure there are frigid men out there, but I am pretty sure the overwhelming number of people that fit this description are women. I would like to differentiate between women who just have sex less as the years go by, and those that simply do not ever want to do it at all. I have read that psychologists define a “sexless” marriage as one in which the couple has sex ten times or less a year; there have been several years like that for me. Most married adults have sex, on average, between two or three times a week. I am lucky if it happens more than once a month and isn’t gawdawful. You are welcome to read, but please try to avoid slapping stereotypes and quick judgments on me or her. For those of you that are looking for something to “get your jollies,” well, I hate to disappoint you, but this blog is not it. If anything, you will read scintillating tales of people not having sex.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

A whole new set of behavior from her...

It has now been about six months since I started my personal transformation, based on what I had read in some self-help books.  All the books said that I needed to change my behavior outside the bedroom, and that would change what happened inside the bedroom.  If that didn't work on her, I would be in a good position to leave her and find someone else who would.  It may seem cold and manipulative, but it is much better than where we were headed, which was certainly divorce.  The transformation was both physical and mental.  I have to make myself a more masculine, assertive man around her, and I need to get myself into as good a physical shape as possible.
The more assertive and masculine me has definitely made her far more pleasant to live with.  Whatever our modern concepts of what a woman wants, being the leader in our house has been soooo much better.  There have been some setbacks, and she pushes back every so often.  Every few weeks, she will work far harder on her appearance, then suddenly stop.  Once she stops, she will try to contradict me or become dominant again over any and every decision.  I don't allow her to get away with it, and life gets better again.
My physical fitness program is coming along.  I now have actual muscles  I can flex in all kinds of places where I couldn't before.  I don't know if that's helping, but it can't hurt.
We are now having sex about three, maybe four times a month.  It is not great, but it is getting better.  She has also decided to touch me -- not anyplace "sensitive," if you know what I mean -- when we are having intercourse.  This is also a big improvement.  Were all this the case about three years ago, I would probably be more optimistic.
However, there are still some things that haven't improved.  She still does not touch me outside the bedroom on her own at all.  No kissing, no hugs, no holding hands, unless I initiate it.
She also is still addicted to all her @#$% electronic "friends."  I am biding my time until I declare a "TV-and-Internet-free week" and just shut all that stuff down.
A few days ago, we had a frank discussion about some of her really dumb activities with her friends.  I warned her that some of what they did together looked like cheating.  Some of them are simply unsafe.  I am pretty certain nothing was going on, but that wasn't the point.  She kept trying to justify these things, and I was adamant about them.  I told her that I was not going to tolerate anything that smacked of infidelity.  The discussion went on for over an hour, while we sat together in bed.
The next day, her outlook and behavior were completely different.  She actually acted like a girl who wanted to keep her man around.  She did all kinds of little things that she hadn't done in years.  She came and sat in my lap, in a public place, no less.  She grabbed me and took our picture together.  On the way home from a trip, she turned on the radio.  I expected her to force the rest of us to listen to her whiny music without asking, but instead she scanned the stations.  "What are you doing?" I asked.  "I'm trying to find that football game on the radio that you're missing."  It was a nice little favor to do, and also acknowledged that I had sacrificed  something I wanted to do to take her and the kids to something else.  She came into the bathroom when I was in there for no real reason, perhaps just to look at her naked husband.  We had sex a couple of days later, with no whining or complaining.
Her activities and attitude have been more polite and cordial, suggesting she is actually interested in how I feel.  It could be that she is just scared of me leaving her, but that isn't what it feels like.  It seems like our little chat has increased some appreciation or attraction for me.  It may have been that she actually remembered I wasn't such a bad guy after spending real time with me without a computer or TV on.  Whatever it is, it has been a lot nicer.
Will this continue?  I really don't know.

4 comments:

  1. DUDE! I *TOLD* YOU THIS LIKE 2 YEARS AGO!!! I'm so glad things got better for you! Hope you guys are still working at it! I was your wife (not literally...figuratively). I know how her brain was working. I hope you guys are doing great! Have read your blog in a LOOOOONG time! I was cleaning out my inbox of old messages and came across your blog notifications tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't expect it to last. You are married to a bitch and show her this. Most women are fucked up.

    Here is my practical guide to women. http://biggerfatterpolitics.blogspot.com/2013/04/fat-bastards-practical-guide-to-women.html

    Read and learn.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't expect it to last. You are married to a bitch and show her this. Most women are fucked up.

    Here is my practical guide to women. http://biggerfatterpolitics.blogspot.com/2013/04/fat-bastards-practical-guide-to-women.html

    Read and learn.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congrats on your progress! (both the self-improvement and the wife's frigidity)
    I'm going through exremely similar things with my wife (lost libido due to loss of respect and tiredness from kids). I won't divorce due to the kids, but I can work on myself.

    P.S. Can you give the title of the book on the hard/soft masculinity?

    ReplyDelete