Tomorrow night, the missus has promised to go out to eat at a nice restaurant, just the two of us. This was one promise made as part of the birthday-panic she had after realizing, for whatever reason, that she had botched things that day. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of hope. First, she picked a day in which she will to get up very early for work. She'll be tired by the time we get to the restaurant. Second, she chose to go stay out late tonight with her frigid girlfriends (the Fridigidaires, maybe?). (Yes, I have it on good report that they are. That is a topic for another post). She'll be exhausted.
As with most any of our other disappointments, this was entirely avoidable. She could have easily picked another night, especially one in which she wasn't sleep deprived or working a long shift. She could have chosen to schedule her girls' night some other evening, or, again, knowing she would be out late tonight, selected another night for dinner.
Tomorrow night, having pulled out all the stops and spent a big wad of moolah, she'll grumpily wolf down a huge meal in silence, then pass out once we get home. If she does offer to do something at home, I'll regret taking her up on it. No romance, no physical fun, just an expensive meal and a stuffed shrew.
God I wish I had found your blog a long time ago. I would have never guessed what might have been going on inside my husband's head. Clearly, from your perspective you feel like your wife doesn't desire or have affection for you. That's just tragic. I loved my husband DEARLY, and hate that I didn't get to "read his mind" to salvage our marriage. TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK until you are blue in the face. When things hit rock bottom, and if you ever feel desperate enough to "walk," (after counseling, of course), you need to show her this blog. If I were your wife, I would be devastated. Not because you've been sharing your inner-most thoughts with the outside world, but because I made you feel this awful. I can't imagine a wife who loves her husband not being absolutely heartbroken for the kind of hurt you are feeling. All I can say is that I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteMan, if God blesses me with another husband, I'll be so much more a better wife in this area. *sigh* The phrase, "You live and learn" comes to mind...
Leave her. Sticking around in an unhappy marriage will not be doing your children any favors.
ReplyDeleteYou say you love her. Why do you love her? What makes you think you love her?
At the risk of using a cliche, divorce is a very big deal, my friend. It's not just dividing up a houseful of stuff; we have to figure out what to do with the kids. Besides that, I take my commitments very seriously, even if many modern people don't. Life isn't always being dealt a good hand, but playing the one you have well. There are some other reasons I won't go into here, but life in many ways would not be better for me. I have to be sure of what I am getting into.
DeleteWhy do I love her? Life with her was not always this bad; I remember how things used to be, and wonder if they could be that way again. At times, she is a more a good wife than a bad one, and she isn't a bad mother. I know I sound like one of those battered women that end up going back to the guy that knocked her teeth out, but I hold up some small hope this could change. If nothing else, I know I love her because I put up with this crap for so long; if I just had no attachment to her at all, I would've thrown her @$$ out long ago.
That said, her frigitidy does affect how I think of her. Eventually, if things don't change, I won't want to be with her.