More About My Wife....

I would like to share some more details about my wife's personality, to help people better understand some of her behavior.  She is fairly smart, and has a fairly outgoing personality.  She is not an ugly woman by any means.  Before I met her, she had had all of two other boyfriends.  The phrase that comes to mind to describe the one she dated the longest would have been, I think, a "completely hopeless loser."
My wife is what I would call "theoretical" in her beliefs about things.  Most people would say someone like her is "idealistic," but I don't like to use that phrase as sometimes people interpret it as having high morals.  (I am not saying my wife has low morals, but I want to be clear).  The missus will say she firmly believes in a principle, and it will be important to her self-image that she believes this.  However, the actual practice of that principle is often very different than what she says she believes.  This is why I call them "theoretical" beliefs.  For example, she has always been a strong believer in various causes for animal welfare.  There is nothing actually wrong with that; in some part, I agree with her.  (We regularly eat meat and use leather, just so you know).  She has given a little money here and there to various causes over the years:  saving whales, tracking wolves, building an impenetrable force field around some endangered plant, etc.  I do not really agree with all of them, but I haven't discouraged her as long as the sums of money were small.  That said, a few years ago she got a pair of cats before we got married.  She treated the cats very well, for awhile.  Once they started to get older, her affection for them started to wane.  After kids came along, she really started getting annoyed with them.  At first, she just ignored them, and wouldn't give them any petting.  Then, she started to complain how much of a chore they were.  Once they got really old, she stopped cleaning out their litter boxes, and eventually stopped even giving them food or water.  All this responsibility went to me, of course.  By the time they both had died, she was doing nothing for them.  All the while, though, she remained a firm advocate for "animal welfare."  She was all for helping out strays and animals out in the wild, whom she would never see with her own eyes, but ignored the ones living in her own home who relied on her for love and care.
In the same way, I am sure my wife thinks that love and affection are important, but that there is nothing odd about our relationship.  Whenever I bring up the fact that we live in separate parts of the house at night or that she completely ignores me, she will state clearly that she loves me and wants to spend time with me.  She will claim she has absolutely has no problem with physical contact or even sleeping with me.  I am convinced she completely believes all of that.  Her behavior, of course, would indicate that in reality none of that is true.  In her mind, though, we are having a romp in the sack all the time, and she's always giving me whatever I want.  It's impossible to argue with someone who simply will not look at basic facts over what she believes about herself.
This is why it has been hard to get her to understand why I am so upset.  She simply does not believe she is ignoring me or being cold and frigid.  There is no set of facts that would change her mind.