The Long Journey to Where?

I have been asking myself lately:  why have I allowed this to go on so long, when it makes me so miserable?  More importantly, are we making progress?
Last week, I was feeling better about the state of things.  She no longer treats me quite like the complete pile of trash that she was about four or five years ago.  If I had left her back then, no one that knows us well -- my family, my friends, maybe even her family -- would've blamed me.  There are still some disrespect issues, but she is at least trying to remember to say "please," "thank you," and I even heard her say she was sorry once a few weeks ago.
That said, I can't say things are well.  I went online to see what others in my boat are doing.  I found a forum on relationships, and the topic was "how do you know your wife still loves you."  The answers just tore me apart.  Several women had posted that they loved to "goose" their husbands a lot, or surprise him with kisses.  Some mentioned buying him a nice surprise once in a while, or sitting in his lap.  My wife doesn't ever do anything of the sort.
My wife and I do have sex more than we were, but there is a big drawback.  She acts like she is only doing it because she feels she has to.  I have said before that I've never owned a blow-up doll, but I imagine doing it with one of those dolls is no different than getting it on with her.  She actually seems to want to do it about 7 or 8 times a year, which is...exactly what we were doing before.  Now, we're doing it maybe twice a month (emphasis on maybe), but it's just awful most of the time.
The real crushing part, though, isn't the sex.  It's the fact that she simply does not want to physically touch me at all, and she can barely tolerate me touching her.  She will never hug, kiss, or caress me on her own; she will only stand there and receive these things from me.  When we have sex, she does not touch me at all.  If I hold her hand, she just sits there without moving while I hold onto it.  "Snuggling" consists of me practically leaning on her.  At no point does she ever make any effort to touch me.  I have tried dropping hints by draping her arms over me; that's all it becomes, just me draping her @#!& arms over me.
If I ask her if there is a problem, she will always say "No, this is fine."  However, her body language says otherwise.  All physical contact feels like I am feeling up a mannequin.
I read another site that said that the item that was the best predictor of whether or not people will stay together is...how much the spouses touch each other casually.  Well, my wife won't do that at all.
My wife always says that I should not be so hard on her, as she is "trying."  From a certain perspective, she isn't wrong.  She is trying; she is not as mean as she was, and we are having sex more often.  The fact that she is trying is, I think, the problem.  She has to try, and that is what makes it unpleasant.  Affection is just a chore to her.  She only does it because she has to.  She simply has no desire to hug, kiss, or even touch me.  I have asked her if sex is like work, and she never answers me.  Have you ever had sex with someone who really didn't want to do it?  It's AWFUL.
Lately, I have noticed that things get a little better after I lose my temper completely, and she notices a change in my body language.  She then tries to frantically fix things.  Unfortunately, it is really too late; after blowing up, the "fix" can't erase what transpired.  It is sad, as her efforts are always just behind what where she should be.  If she bothered to act the same way before I blew up, then I wouldn't ever blow up.  I feel like nothing, on the whole, is better as I have to get completely furious before things improve.
On a side note, I realize a lot of you had questions and suggestions in your comments.  I will try to address some of those in my next post.