Here's another great example of how things work in my marriage...
Last week, we went on vacation. This is normally the only time my wife actually shows interest in any physical contact with me. I'm spending a lot of money, we're not in our own house, and she can get away from many of her usual neuroses. You would think I would look forward to it, but at this point I know any good things that happen on vacation won't carry over the next week.
On Wednesday of last week, she acted in a fashion that might be called amorous. She was actually patting me on the back, sitting close to me, and being pleasant. This is a big deal for her. Once the kids went to bed, she curled up beside me and put my arm around her. Again, for us, this is a big deal, but I was cautious because I have been burned before.
After the kids had been asleep for about thirty minutes, she started talking like she wanted to actually boink. After several minutes of talking like that, she said she wanted to go to the other room. Then, as we got up, she changed her mind suddenly. She had gotten a mild sunburn two days before, she said, and she felt hot. She didn't want another body close to her. Sorry, no dice.
As I said, this isn't unexpected. If we had a normal relationship, I wouldn't have been upset; the sunburn could very well be bothering her, though I doubt it was bad. However, with her, I knew what was coming next.
The next night, she acted as if she realized that she had teased me for more than three hours the previous day with what became an empty promise. So, she again started acting like she wanted something more, but with a difference: she didn't seem to be as positive about it.
After a few minutes of sitting with me, she offered to do "something more." Ok, I said. Once we got into things, she suddenly announced that she was just doing this "for me." Further, she wanted to know exactly what I wanted to do to make this reach a speedy conclusion. She just asked that it not be "too weird."
Even after all she's done, I was taken aback. Why did she start this if she had no intention of doing it? Why did she make this mood-killing announcement that she didn't want to do it after we started? Was she hinting that she actually wanted some kind of weird sex that was different from the usual, but didn't want to admit it?
For some stupid reason, I thought this still might work out. If I had been wise, I would've just called the whole thing off and told her to go to sleep. For whatever reason, I figured that she was really angling for something different, and this was my chance to actually have good sex.
I thought hard for a moment, and I really wasn't sure what to suggest. Oh, sure, there were lots of things that came to mind, but I had to pick something that she wouldn't completely balk at. Oral sex was out, for sure. A new position was probably safe, but really not that exciting. I decided to ask her to do something with me, for a change, instead of just lying there waiting for me to push her buttons.
I suggested that she kiss my chest and neck. I figured that was a safe bet, while being actually enjoyable.
For about ten seconds, it was. She kissed my neck and shoulders a few times. Then, she abruptly stopped, and refused to do anything else. She said she didn't want to touch my chest hair. What a bummer; it's not like I haven't had it the whole time she's known me. From there, she kept trying to get me to finish the deed, but without us touching each other first. (In other words, zero foreplay). This was really just too much. She kept trying to get me to hurry up, but I was simply not attracted to this at all. As desperate as I am, even I need a little something to get started. Eventually, she held her nose enough to rub my back a little, and we got that miserable episode over with. Even for us, this was terrible, awful sex.
This was totally avoidable, but it shows how my wife thinks. When conditions were almost 100% right on Wednesday, she backed out at the last second for what was a small issue. (See this page of mine for explanation of the "just one more thing" theory). The next day, she felt guilty for teasing me and leading me on for hours, and figured she had to do something to make up for it. (Or, not. This time she did). She tried to make me feel bad about it, acting like she was a martyr and deserved a medal. She made me so disgusted with her I didn't want to touch her. The result was so bad I wished she hadn't done anything at all.
Since this episode, we have kept our distance. I spent another evening alone tonight, wondering how this is different from being a bachelor.
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