The wife has done a couple of things that are driving me mad. The first is that she has spent considerable time scheduling some great vacation to a wonderful location with her friends. You can be sure they will be staying in an expensive, top-of-the-line house in some wonderful location. Meanwhile, I cannot get her to schedule a small one with me and/or the kids.
The bigger issus is that, once again, she has invited someone else to stay at our house or be with us on what is supposed to be a romantic day. She has done it on Valentine's Day a few times, once or twice on my birthday, and this time is is, again, our anniversary. (See this post for an example of what happened previously on my birthday and our anniversary). She has invited her sister to come down, with her (I hate to say this) very poorly behaved children to our house during our anniversary. She has said the sister is coming to town for some other activity a couple of days earlier, but it does not matter. She has, again, scheduled something with someone else on our anniversary that will make it impossible for us to go out to dinner or have sex on our anniversary. I like her sister a lot, and, despite their generally bratty behavior, I don't dislike her kids. (The kids do not get enough attention, so they misbehave to get someone to pay attention to them).
When I brought this up to her, she acted as if she did not understand what the fuss was all about. I told her they needed to be gone by our anniversary, but she just shrugged.
I am so mad I cannot see straight. What is wrong with her? If we can't have a real anniversary celebration, I am going to leave her.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
On the twelth day of frigidity, my cold, frigid @#*! didn't give to me...
Just for fun, let me catalog all the reasons my wife will not lay a finger on me in a given two-week period. It only takes one reason for us not to do anything, but there are always several. These are all real reasons she gave.
Day 1: We actually have sex. It's awful. She doesn't touch me at all, or even look at me because she's lying on her stomach. I don't touch anything more sensual than her back. She passes out thirty seconds after we're done.
Day 2: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex yesterday.
She has to work the next day.
There is a TV episode on from a show she likes (that's about 100 shows) that she has only seen once.
Day 3: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex two days ago.
She has to work the next day.
She wants to eat a snack, and does not wish to upset her stomach.
There are two shows she hasn't seen on the DVR, yet.
The temperature inside is too cold for her to take off her clothes.
Day 4: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex three days ago.
I went to the store, but did not buy milk. I did not realize we were low on milk, but that is irrelevent.
Someone at work irritated her. Apparently, that makes her not want sex, ever.
She has to work the next day.
There are new episodes of two of her shows on tonight.
Day 5: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex four days ago.
She has had a headache the entire day.
She does not have to work the next day, so she just wants to "relax." We still have another day.
The kids were clinging to her, and she doesn't want anyone else touching her.
Day 6: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex five days ago.
She does not have to work the next day, so she wants to spend her night off "doing what she really wants to do."
She wants to spend the evening trying to get to level 95 of Candy Crush or whatever it is on Facebook.
The kids were clinging to her, and she doesn't want anyone else touching her.
Day 7: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex six days ago.
She has to work the next day, so she needs to prepare herself mentally for it.
The room is just a little too warm.
Day 8: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex seven days ago.
Her skin feels ticklish. She doesn't want anyone to touch her.
The room is just a little too cold.
Day 9: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex eight days ago.
She stayed out late with her friends. There is no time.
Day 10: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex nine days ago.
She stayed out late with her friends the previous night, and needs to catch up on rest.
There were TV shows on the previous night, and she has to watch them on the DVR so she doesn't get behind on her viewing.
Day 11: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex ten days ago.
She's in an awful mood for who-knows-why, and...trust me, you couldn't pay me to have sex with her because her mood is so bad. Not that she would say "yes."
Day 12: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex eleven days ago.
She wants to spend the evening trying to get to level 102 of Candy Crush or whatever it is on Facebook.
I forgot to put a single dish in the dishwasher before I ran it. She says that "things like that don't make me want to be affectionate." Put it on my tombstone, @#*%$.
Day 13: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex twelve days ago.
She does not have to go to work the next day, and she needs to take advantage of the evening to "do her own thing." Alone, with the DVR and the computer.
Day 14: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex thirteen days ago. "What's the matter?" she'll ask. "We just had sex, like, yesterday, didn't we?"
Day 1: We actually have sex. It's awful. She doesn't touch me at all, or even look at me because she's lying on her stomach. I don't touch anything more sensual than her back. She passes out thirty seconds after we're done.
Day 2: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex yesterday.
She has to work the next day.
There is a TV episode on from a show she likes (that's about 100 shows) that she has only seen once.
Day 3: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex two days ago.
She has to work the next day.
She wants to eat a snack, and does not wish to upset her stomach.
There are two shows she hasn't seen on the DVR, yet.
The temperature inside is too cold for her to take off her clothes.
Day 4: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex three days ago.
I went to the store, but did not buy milk. I did not realize we were low on milk, but that is irrelevent.
Someone at work irritated her. Apparently, that makes her not want sex, ever.
She has to work the next day.
There are new episodes of two of her shows on tonight.
Day 5: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex four days ago.
She has had a headache the entire day.
She does not have to work the next day, so she just wants to "relax." We still have another day.
The kids were clinging to her, and she doesn't want anyone else touching her.
Day 6: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex five days ago.
She does not have to work the next day, so she wants to spend her night off "doing what she really wants to do."
She wants to spend the evening trying to get to level 95 of Candy Crush or whatever it is on Facebook.
The kids were clinging to her, and she doesn't want anyone else touching her.
Day 7: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex six days ago.
She has to work the next day, so she needs to prepare herself mentally for it.
The room is just a little too warm.
Day 8: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex seven days ago.
Her skin feels ticklish. She doesn't want anyone to touch her.
The room is just a little too cold.
Day 9: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex eight days ago.
She stayed out late with her friends. There is no time.
Day 10: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex nine days ago.
She stayed out late with her friends the previous night, and needs to catch up on rest.
There were TV shows on the previous night, and she has to watch them on the DVR so she doesn't get behind on her viewing.
Day 11: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex ten days ago.
She's in an awful mood for who-knows-why, and...trust me, you couldn't pay me to have sex with her because her mood is so bad. Not that she would say "yes."
Day 12: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex eleven days ago.
She wants to spend the evening trying to get to level 102 of Candy Crush or whatever it is on Facebook.
I forgot to put a single dish in the dishwasher before I ran it. She says that "things like that don't make me want to be affectionate." Put it on my tombstone, @#*%$.
Day 13: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex twelve days ago.
She does not have to go to work the next day, and she needs to take advantage of the evening to "do her own thing." Alone, with the DVR and the computer.
Day 14: We will not have meaningful physical contact because:
We (sort of) had sex thirteen days ago. "What's the matter?" she'll ask. "We just had sex, like, yesterday, didn't we?"
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Another avoidable iceburg
Here's another great example of how things work in my marriage...
Last week, we went on vacation. This is normally the only time my wife actually shows interest in any physical contact with me. I'm spending a lot of money, we're not in our own house, and she can get away from many of her usual neuroses. You would think I would look forward to it, but at this point I know any good things that happen on vacation won't carry over the next week.
On Wednesday of last week, she acted in a fashion that might be called amorous. She was actually patting me on the back, sitting close to me, and being pleasant. This is a big deal for her. Once the kids went to bed, she curled up beside me and put my arm around her. Again, for us, this is a big deal, but I was cautious because I have been burned before.
After the kids had been asleep for about thirty minutes, she started talking like she wanted to actually boink. After several minutes of talking like that, she said she wanted to go to the other room. Then, as we got up, she changed her mind suddenly. She had gotten a mild sunburn two days before, she said, and she felt hot. She didn't want another body close to her. Sorry, no dice.
As I said, this isn't unexpected. If we had a normal relationship, I wouldn't have been upset; the sunburn could very well be bothering her, though I doubt it was bad. However, with her, I knew what was coming next.
The next night, she acted as if she realized that she had teased me for more than three hours the previous day with what became an empty promise. So, she again started acting like she wanted something more, but with a difference: she didn't seem to be as positive about it.
After a few minutes of sitting with me, she offered to do "something more." Ok, I said. Once we got into things, she suddenly announced that she was just doing this "for me." Further, she wanted to know exactly what I wanted to do to make this reach a speedy conclusion. She just asked that it not be "too weird."
Even after all she's done, I was taken aback. Why did she start this if she had no intention of doing it? Why did she make this mood-killing announcement that she didn't want to do it after we started? Was she hinting that she actually wanted some kind of weird sex that was different from the usual, but didn't want to admit it?
For some stupid reason, I thought this still might work out. If I had been wise, I would've just called the whole thing off and told her to go to sleep. For whatever reason, I figured that she was really angling for something different, and this was my chance to actually have good sex.
I thought hard for a moment, and I really wasn't sure what to suggest. Oh, sure, there were lots of things that came to mind, but I had to pick something that she wouldn't completely balk at. Oral sex was out, for sure. A new position was probably safe, but really not that exciting. I decided to ask her to do something with me, for a change, instead of just lying there waiting for me to push her buttons.
I suggested that she kiss my chest and neck. I figured that was a safe bet, while being actually enjoyable.
For about ten seconds, it was. She kissed my neck and shoulders a few times. Then, she abruptly stopped, and refused to do anything else. She said she didn't want to touch my chest hair. What a bummer; it's not like I haven't had it the whole time she's known me. From there, she kept trying to get me to finish the deed, but without us touching each other first. (In other words, zero foreplay). This was really just too much. She kept trying to get me to hurry up, but I was simply not attracted to this at all. As desperate as I am, even I need a little something to get started. Eventually, she held her nose enough to rub my back a little, and we got that miserable episode over with. Even for us, this was terrible, awful sex.
This was totally avoidable, but it shows how my wife thinks. When conditions were almost 100% right on Wednesday, she backed out at the last second for what was a small issue. (See this page of mine for explanation of the "just one more thing" theory). The next day, she felt guilty for teasing me and leading me on for hours, and figured she had to do something to make up for it. (Or, not. This time she did). She tried to make me feel bad about it, acting like she was a martyr and deserved a medal. She made me so disgusted with her I didn't want to touch her. The result was so bad I wished she hadn't done anything at all.
Since this episode, we have kept our distance. I spent another evening alone tonight, wondering how this is different from being a bachelor.
Last week, we went on vacation. This is normally the only time my wife actually shows interest in any physical contact with me. I'm spending a lot of money, we're not in our own house, and she can get away from many of her usual neuroses. You would think I would look forward to it, but at this point I know any good things that happen on vacation won't carry over the next week.
On Wednesday of last week, she acted in a fashion that might be called amorous. She was actually patting me on the back, sitting close to me, and being pleasant. This is a big deal for her. Once the kids went to bed, she curled up beside me and put my arm around her. Again, for us, this is a big deal, but I was cautious because I have been burned before.
After the kids had been asleep for about thirty minutes, she started talking like she wanted to actually boink. After several minutes of talking like that, she said she wanted to go to the other room. Then, as we got up, she changed her mind suddenly. She had gotten a mild sunburn two days before, she said, and she felt hot. She didn't want another body close to her. Sorry, no dice.
As I said, this isn't unexpected. If we had a normal relationship, I wouldn't have been upset; the sunburn could very well be bothering her, though I doubt it was bad. However, with her, I knew what was coming next.
The next night, she acted as if she realized that she had teased me for more than three hours the previous day with what became an empty promise. So, she again started acting like she wanted something more, but with a difference: she didn't seem to be as positive about it.
After a few minutes of sitting with me, she offered to do "something more." Ok, I said. Once we got into things, she suddenly announced that she was just doing this "for me." Further, she wanted to know exactly what I wanted to do to make this reach a speedy conclusion. She just asked that it not be "too weird."
Even after all she's done, I was taken aback. Why did she start this if she had no intention of doing it? Why did she make this mood-killing announcement that she didn't want to do it after we started? Was she hinting that she actually wanted some kind of weird sex that was different from the usual, but didn't want to admit it?
For some stupid reason, I thought this still might work out. If I had been wise, I would've just called the whole thing off and told her to go to sleep. For whatever reason, I figured that she was really angling for something different, and this was my chance to actually have good sex.
I thought hard for a moment, and I really wasn't sure what to suggest. Oh, sure, there were lots of things that came to mind, but I had to pick something that she wouldn't completely balk at. Oral sex was out, for sure. A new position was probably safe, but really not that exciting. I decided to ask her to do something with me, for a change, instead of just lying there waiting for me to push her buttons.
I suggested that she kiss my chest and neck. I figured that was a safe bet, while being actually enjoyable.
For about ten seconds, it was. She kissed my neck and shoulders a few times. Then, she abruptly stopped, and refused to do anything else. She said she didn't want to touch my chest hair. What a bummer; it's not like I haven't had it the whole time she's known me. From there, she kept trying to get me to finish the deed, but without us touching each other first. (In other words, zero foreplay). This was really just too much. She kept trying to get me to hurry up, but I was simply not attracted to this at all. As desperate as I am, even I need a little something to get started. Eventually, she held her nose enough to rub my back a little, and we got that miserable episode over with. Even for us, this was terrible, awful sex.
This was totally avoidable, but it shows how my wife thinks. When conditions were almost 100% right on Wednesday, she backed out at the last second for what was a small issue. (See this page of mine for explanation of the "just one more thing" theory). The next day, she felt guilty for teasing me and leading me on for hours, and figured she had to do something to make up for it. (Or, not. This time she did). She tried to make me feel bad about it, acting like she was a martyr and deserved a medal. She made me so disgusted with her I didn't want to touch her. The result was so bad I wished she hadn't done anything at all.
Since this episode, we have kept our distance. I spent another evening alone tonight, wondering how this is different from being a bachelor.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Dadgum money issues....
As I put in my last post, I went looking for a sex counselor. Unfortunately, I had some unexpected money needs (stupid income taxes -- thanks for punishing me for working), and now the money I had saved up for it is gone. Ugh.
The next post will be normal, I promise.
The next post will be normal, I promise.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
In Search of a Shrink
Since I got back in town after being gone for a week, I have been searching for a therapist to suggest to my wife for counseling. This is harder than I thought. I have tried looking on the Internet, but there are just not a lot of people in my area who specialize in sexual problems. There are plenty of counselors who list "sex therapy" among their specialties, but they also list about fifty other specialties, too. I want to talk to someone who has a firm focus on this kind of thing. As I have mentioned elsewhere, I want the counselor to be a woman. I think both of us would just be more comfortable that way.
I am looking for the therapist first, before talking to my wife, so that I can remove any stalling on her part to going to this. If I don't have a plan in hand, she might try to back out later.
For those of you that wonder why this is taken so long, there are two reasons why I haven't gone to counseling with her yet. The first reason is something I do not feel comfortable putting here (which I know sounds ridiculous given everything else I have shared). It would make it a little too easy to identify me, among other things. The second reason is that I simply cannot afford it. I am hoping to get some more money soon so I can pay this exorbiant fee. I'm in the wrong line of work.
Maybe I'll try the yellow pages tomorrow.
I am looking for the therapist first, before talking to my wife, so that I can remove any stalling on her part to going to this. If I don't have a plan in hand, she might try to back out later.
For those of you that wonder why this is taken so long, there are two reasons why I haven't gone to counseling with her yet. The first reason is something I do not feel comfortable putting here (which I know sounds ridiculous given everything else I have shared). It would make it a little too easy to identify me, among other things. The second reason is that I simply cannot afford it. I am hoping to get some more money soon so I can pay this exorbiant fee. I'm in the wrong line of work.
Maybe I'll try the yellow pages tomorrow.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
New Neurosis....
Though I didn't think it was possible, I think my wife has acquired a new neurotic hangup about me. The last few weeks, I have noticed that she has started changing her clothes in the bathroom, instead of our bedroom, or anywhere else in the house, as is her usual practice. At first, I thought maybe I was just reading in something that wasn't there. Then, I wondered if maybe she was finally concerned that her habit of parading around the house naked in front of our son (who is almost old enough for middle school), like she usually does, was really not a good thing to do. I am all in favor of that, but then I noticed that she was changing her clothes in the bathroom when I was the only person around. She is taking the clothes from our bedroom to the bathroom that is connected to it and shutting the door. Being her husband, of course, I have seen her in her birthday suit zillions of times. I am not sure what this is supposed to accomplish, but I wonder if this is another sign of how closed off she is to me now.
A couple of days ago, the family went swimming together. When we came back, I went back went to our bedroom to change back into my clothes. My wife went into the bathroom to change and shut the door, but I needed something out of there. I opened the door when she was halfway out of her suit, and she got rather irate at me for barging in. I apologized for startling her, and I decided to raise the issue.
"Why are you changing in here? Because you don't want me to see you naked?"
"Yes, that is exactly it," she said, in what I guess was an attempt at sarcasm.
I would not have thought anything of it, but as she said that, she pulled her swimsuit back over her breasts. I shook my head and walked out. It is possible she has started this behavior without even consciously thinking about it(see here for some more details on how she thinks).
Wonderful.
I started looking through a list of local sex therapists that day. That will be the subject of another post.
A couple of days ago, the family went swimming together. When we came back, I went back went to our bedroom to change back into my clothes. My wife went into the bathroom to change and shut the door, but I needed something out of there. I opened the door when she was halfway out of her suit, and she got rather irate at me for barging in. I apologized for startling her, and I decided to raise the issue.
"Why are you changing in here? Because you don't want me to see you naked?"
"Yes, that is exactly it," she said, in what I guess was an attempt at sarcasm.
I would not have thought anything of it, but as she said that, she pulled her swimsuit back over her breasts. I shook my head and walked out. It is possible she has started this behavior without even consciously thinking about it(see here for some more details on how she thinks).
Wonderful.
I started looking through a list of local sex therapists that day. That will be the subject of another post.
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