So, You Wanna Know about Frigidity?

The purpose of this blog is, as the title suggests, to discuss my personal pain and frustration with being married to a frigid woman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a “frigid” woman is one who is emotionally and physically cold. She simply does not want physical contact with her husband, especially having sex. I am sure there are frigid men out there, but I am pretty sure the overwhelming number of people that fit this description are women. I would like to differentiate between women who just have sex less as the years go by, and those that simply do not ever want to do it at all. I have read that psychologists define a “sexless” marriage as one in which the couple has sex ten times or less a year; there have been several years like that for me. Most married adults have sex, on average, between two or three times a week. I am lucky if it happens more than once a month and isn’t gawdawful. You are welcome to read, but please try to avoid slapping stereotypes and quick judgments on me or her. For those of you that are looking for something to “get your jollies,” well, I hate to disappoint you, but this blog is not it. If anything, you will read scintillating tales of people not having sex.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

One Issue Resolved, but Others No Better

From my last posts, readers could certainly tell that I was very frustrated.  After making some (halting) progress on the physical affection front in early May, things seemed to have regressed to where they were.  As of last week, we were only having sex once every couple of weeks again, and the last couple of times it's been bad.  She does not take any interest in sitting with me, unless another woman seems to be taking an interest in me.  I suppose I was driven batty by the promise, after all these years, of actual progress in being more intimate, and then it was inexplicably reversed as quickly as it came.
Not everything is bad.  Her behavior towards me has gotten far more respectful of late.  I have heard a lot more "please," "thank you," and even one "I'm sorry" in the last few weeks than I have heard in years.  Perhaps once her respectfulness reaches a certain point her affection will return, too.
That said, I now think things are not going to improve enough before the deadline I have imposed on this process.  Sadly, I really think she just doesn't get it, and doesn't see anything wrong with the way things are.  If we get to the end of the deadline without further improvements, I will have to demand some counseling and some work on her part, but I suspect that will be no more fruitful than all my other efforts these past couple of years.  I have to come to believe that she really just does not understand why I am so upset with her.
I finally just went and started an ugly discussion of what in the world she is trying to accomplish with screwing up our anniversary.  I figured we were headed to an argument one way or another, so I might as well get it over with.  To my surprise, she said that she had no problem going out on our anniversary, just the two of us, with her sister here.  I was relieved, but she took offense to the whole question, and we had another frosty argument.  I am going to continue my plan:  to pay extra attention to my sister-in-law, and make sure my wife gets the hint.
The physical fitness regime is going well.  I now have lost enough weight that friends have noticed.  Being more blunt and assertive with the wife is also going well.

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